Sth really serious crop up betw mi and him..
We arent toking to each other now.. its call the cold war..
Haiz.. so much as i dont like the way he treats mi..
I still cant endure this silence, its killing mi..

I was actually quite lost in tots these few days without even realising it, until i sat down moments ago and began thinking abt everything. I realised that why is it that everytime i always forgave him despite all the things he had done. Its bcos i really love him alot. In simple terms, i think i really cant imagine life without him. No doubt, i have been thinking of giving up, but i think my heart just doesnt allows it. Grrrr...

I am starting to feel negative once again. Argh! i really hate this feeling.
Tml will be a better day! =) hopefully so.. I dread sun to come..

yes!! i tendered !! really a relief for me..

I was pondering for a long time on how to break the news to my boss. As much as i hated his unreasonable ways, its still kind of sad to tell him as i know there will be a shortage of senior staffs if i leave and Bec's gonna suffer. But i have to tell him anyhow.

He doesnt want me to leave, saying that he feel like tearing the letter and that he can reject my resignation. So he keep bugging me to reconsider. The only reason i might stay is bcos of my colleagues, but i know many are actually secretly planning to leave soon.

And then, today i found out that many ppl were aiming to get into my future company. I feel so lucky! lol.. But!! today Exxon Mobil called me n offered me a position ! kaoz.. i nearly bang wall ar.. I really was in a dilemna, not knowing which decision to make. I spoke to meow n bryan abt it. They asked me to try it out since i only had verbal agreement with Schering-Plough. In the end, i rejected Exxon's offer cos its bad to go back on my word. Singapore's market is real small, word spreads around easily. If i really fit their criteria, i believe a few years down the road when i apply, they will call mi up again. lol..
I told birdie abt this, n end up i stood there listening to his calculations on why Schering-Plough is better than Exxon, some unavoidable causes theory or wat. lol.. so funny..

These two days Bec isnt around, so i had to monitor all the students plus Gary n Claire. Not an easy task especially when i am doing elements. Bec u pang seh me ar! lol.. go wat Mango sales.. haha..

When i leave ITS, i am really gonna miss her very much.. Though we were buddies for a short 5 mths plus, I think we went through alot together. From giving attitude to each other to being scolded by my idiot boss, from doing pretests all thru the night to taking stupid photos in the lab, everyday is fun. I really really hope the best for her as Joanne's gonna replace me. Bec, if u see this, rem wat i told u, look out for Joanne, all of us dont trust her work quality. LOL..

I will miss u Rebecca Lie Ya Ting!! lol..

I did a quiz that i got from gb's blog.. lol

Too bored at work..

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.


lol.. true to some extent especially the part that i am afraid of things i cannot control.
Yesterday before work, i met up wif charmaine and caiping.. been a super long time since i met up with them. I was so tired as my phone kept ringing, disturbing my sleep. But i still dragged myself up to meet up with them. The moment i reached paragon, i just couldnt stop thinking about the shoes i saw in NOVO. So i decided to hop by the shop to get the shoes before meeting them. To my disappointment, the shoes were no longer on display. I walked the whole shop searching for it. Refusing to walk out the shop empty-handed, i asked the sales girl if she had any idea if the shoes were still available. Of cos i described the shoes clearly to her. Was about to give up when she suddenly mentioned that she might have something similar to what i had described, and it turned out that they kept the shoes bcos its an old stock. I was so happy ! quickly purchased it and went to Thai Express to look for them.

Had our dinner at Thai Express. Yummilious as usual. After wards, we went shopping around with the hope of helping Charmaine get her bf's present. As usual la, the girl is full of nonsense. lol.. Went to Art Fren, I saw some inspirations on what to do. Hee.. After walking around, we settled at coffee bean for a drink and some cakes.

Nice meet up with them. Always feel so comfortable with them around. We are planning to go Bangkok next month. Hopefully things work out well and we three can go overseas together!

I went for the medical checkup on monday. Really cant wait to go to my new job bcos its 8 to 5! meaning more time for my girlfrens and myself.. so happy.. hehe.. I hate the blood test cos i am freakin scared of needles so i forced myself to turn away.. Overall, it was still alright..

The last weekend something happened betw me n him.. or should i say i was having some internal struggle.. The girls that he knew from clubbing came to view mi in friendster, so out of curiosity i viewed them back, only to find him in their photos physically close.
Yesterday, i confronted him about this matter n sorry is the only thing he could say. He always said he wont do it again but yet it is coming back time over time. I told him he have really no idea what i am going through unless i did it back on him. Many times i really tot of letting him taste his own medicine, but i cant, its not something that i would do.

Surprisingly, when i talked to him abt it ytd, i wasnt angry, wasnt disappointed neither did i cry. I dont know wat i am feeling. He asked why am i so quiet, i dont know. He said he is going to prove that he really wants to change. He is gonna give mi a sum of money every mth for mi to keep to prevent him from going clubbing.

I was half-hearted. Its not abt the number of times he go clubbing anymore. He just dont get it. I asked him where do u see us 2 years' down the road. He wans to settle if both of us are stable in terms of career. Funny, i start to dread this very day.

Yesterday i met up wif zhen, charlene n laine for sentosa. So happy that i can finally meet up wif them ! I msg them on fri that i know i kind of neglected them due to work, n i am so sad that i drifted away from them.

No doubt, i was feeling a little weird when i saw them.. Its like a feeling of having to get to know them once again. Really didnt like the feeling since i know them for a long time le.. But things were better when the day goes by. The sun was scorching hot! so in the end we hid in the shade.. -_-

After only 2 hours or so, we decided to pack up n head for vivo.. we went to gloris jean's cafe to chill.. the drinks there are really very nice! The cakes are not tt appealing though. After which we waited for wee n hc to come. n i onli manage to spend like 10 mins wif lucas, cos he was rushing off to his aunt's funeral..

We went to mac to sit down again... to wait for rh n jr.. I was quite frustrated wif Lucas actually.. He wanted mi to go over his aunt there but didnt cfm wif mi.. I told him if i dont need to go, i wanna head back to his place bcos vivo is so near to his hse.. so i told him to leave his keys outside in case no one is at home.. But, go one big round, he forgot n said he not sure wat time the funeral will end.. Ya, so i am stuck there not knowing wat to do.. Then he said he is not sure if i need to go over on sunday..

Wat made mi so mad is that, i dont understand why he cant just call his mom n asked everything clearly before telling mi.. He made mi so confused that in the end, i decided not to go down. I dont know why, but i really am disappointed that he cant get this small issue organised.

So i joined them for ktv.. it was fun.. cos its a long time since i been to a ktv session wif them.. haha.. after tt mi, elaine, rh, wee, cindy, beng n hq went to a ktv pub.. but elaine n mi left after awhile.. i was updating her abt wat happened betw mi n lucas.

today, i woke up n suddenly left that i realli need a break from this hurting r/s.. i realy cant stand the fact that he is always so physically close to girls during clubbing.. seriously, wats his problem. i know he changed as in he dont cheat anymore, i am sure of it..
But i cannot stand it, i need a break.. He wanted mi to go over his place today, I told him no.. the first ever time.. n i told him i wont be meeting him for the whole of next week..

I just want some quiet time wif myself n my friends.. n there's no way i am gonna put him the no .1 priorty again..

Life sucks...

I really hate my work.. there's so much quarreling due to the lack of apparatus n equipments..
End up, we always had to work ot.. shit....

Bcos of this work, i think i really paid a great price.. My social circle is getting smaller.. I have no one to blame.. bcos i am always at work..
n my temper is getting really really short.. I need to change..

My mom dont seems to understand my situation.. n i think i am spending less time with him.. so sian...

I miss all my frens.. haiz...

i'm back !!

yea, from work.. -_- i just got back from work at this late hour.. n mind u, i am on morning shift today. But whatever, i just do my part so that the other shift people wont be too busy in the night.

I began to find out that by just ignoring my boss n take it as he is barking like a mad dog, i really felt better. I dont care if he doesnt dote on mi like last time so long as he dont come stepping on my toes.

I found out tt its all in the mind, i can really be oblivious to ppl around. I dont care. Sure, i am searching for a better job, but no one seems to pay as high as my current. So i am stil deciding. I went to schering-plough for an interview tt day. It was definitely the toughest one i ever came across. 3 engineers were firing questions at me like there's no tomorrow. All the questions asked were so from the text-book.

What pressure does the distillation column operates in?

What do u do if a pump is spoiled?

How do u heat up the crude material?

How does the LOTO system works?

What the main components of a plant?

The different working permits n their uses?

What is teamwork? How do i ensure tt in my team?

Blah, blah, blah...

I admitted i was quite thrown off the chair at first, but confidence came back soon. Though not all my answers were 100% correct, but at least i know my stuffs. They offered me the project engineer, asking mi to choose between that and chemical technician.

But stil, it wasnt the petroleum industry. So i am still deciding.


ooo.. n i cut my hair real short! i dont know why the sudden urge. But i just felt like doing it. Suddenly, everything seems lighter and i cant seems to know why, I am optimistic once again.

I am loving my hair ! =)

These few days... things had been really bad at work.. I got to say i really had the urge to say "I QUIT!" right in the face of my boss.

Imagine he made 3 of us cry within these few days.. Tuesday he was in his stupid pms mood, making life difficult for everyone. Such a jackass. He said hope that sat's samples would be alot, let us do. The "us" is refering to me n bec. Just bcos of a tiny incident last fri, he bore the grudge till now.

He just dont get it.. n he went home w/o even asking if it is ok for us to stay and help out.. He just took it for granted. Before he went home, he came n scold me saying why didnt i ask all the analysts to update the results. He's the boss, shouldnt he be doing tt? I cried. I was really sobbing really hard. Ppl from other dept came over to comfort me saying everyone in the lab knew he was like that, asking mi not to be bothered by wat he says.

I went out, n Bec was crying too. I was comforting her, in the end i cried too. So Kc came over to hug me n comfort us.

Ytd he made Eve cried. Four of us are so fed up with him that we decide that to quit already. The worse thing is there was alot of samples ytd, kind of unusual. He dont wan me to go home, but i told him i was really very tired already. For 2 days, i stayed till 11 plus, i badly need a rest. His response, he gave me a super du lan face, saying he got things to do. Asshole! As if i dont have my own things to do. I have my own life, i dont work n work like nobody's business. I couldnt be bothered. I just told him i am going home n i went back.

Today, he was in a much better mood. But early in the morning, he came, instructed me to help him check thru all the results n release them. All these are his jobscope. Sucks! Today he asked me to stay to help again. Haiz.

MY BOSS IS AN ASSHOLE!!

Recently, there's a big issue going on within my departments. Fri, the last night shift, I was already trying my best to finish the repeats, pretests, problematic tsa samples. Yes, i know we had to release the batch of results. But we tried our best, n in the midst of all the work, i stil manage to clean up all the bottles n label them.

But wat we got back, were harsh words saying we were a let down. Why? just bcos he had to wake up early tt day to help release the results. Fuck. Its not even our job responsibilites to help u release results.

The words my boss said to me really bothered mi, all the way till night, even at st james i was stil thinking abt it. I reflected on this issue n i really had to say i couldnt find anytime where we both were slacking. We didnt even had an breaks.

Everyone, my frens, lucas, my mom all told me to quit this job. The working hours are really terrible. Despite working shift, we stil had to work ot, and i can easily hit to 40 hrs. Sometimes even to 70 hrs. I just dont like the fact that he takes it all for granted, that we are supposed to stay back after our working hours to help him clear off the samples.

Today at work, i refused to talk to him. I spoke to rebec abt this issue, n i was right, she really didnt take it too well. She cried quite badly bcos of tt asshole.

He really chose the wrong person to vent his nonsenses on. If he thinks we are slow, i am really gonna show him wat slow is. I make sure all his results are haywired. Why should i give a damn abt how he feels when he doesnt care abt all of us either.

But whatever, i stil managed to complete my elements n ashing part before i go home. Its quite sth really, considering its monday when the amount of samples are unbelivably alot. I rushed n pushed myself harder to finish up everything, definitely not bcos of him, but bcos i hope the later shift ppl will have an easier time.

I hope i find a better job soon.

Today's night shift n yet for the first time i had nth to do.. really practically nth.. so ya, i am blogging now.. cos i simply have nth to do..

Last weekend was chalet for jr, lz, az n elaine at pasir ris.. me and agnes met up early to queue for tt donut ! stupid long 4 hours of queuing, but the donuts were really very nice.. anyway, we reached there n waited outside for them to come back. Everywhere around us were having bbq, so tt stupid Lucas kept complaining that he missed bbq food. In the end, a few of us had a mini-bbq. Very weird. I dont wanna say much.

Mayb i am being over sensitive. But anyway, i just kept to myself during the whole chalet. Just didnt feel that interacting with anyone. We went to Wild Wild Wet on Sunday. After wards, i went home. Talked to rh over the phone, kind of sian. I still feel weird la no matter wat he says. I was quite pissed off at a moment of time. But its over, so didnt bother me much.

Labour day, all of us went to watch spider man 3. Wasnt nice, too much toking, only a little action.

These days, i think i am feeling a little paranoid n depressed. Dont know why so. But i just feel maintaining a friendship is so difficult. Kind of sick of doing anything. I will just let things be.
Mayb i have changed, no longer the little girl who will do anything to please almost everyone. I just realised that not everyone is worth the effort.

i havent been updating at all for the past few weeks.. i guess when u grow up n get busy with work n all the relationships in ur life, it just feels like 24 hour a day is not enough. So many things happened, i got into another serious talk with him, i had the first ever disagreement with my friend n that is my working buddy, too much family matters as usual, and alot of hidden stuffs that i do not wish to talk about.

I know i am dedicated to my job. I expect a perfect work from myself, and so there's a serious big flaw in me. I expect those as qualified as me to deliver quality at work. I am not afraid to say it out bcos I and Rebec talked about these issues before. She's the kind of person that gets really affected by her mood. Once she is moody, her working efficiency drops n everyone around gets a pinch of her attitude. We are quite close so i really dont wish to see her get into trouble. Every time she is moody, i will try to bring her up. So u see as time goes by, i get really tired till a day i flare up. We both cried but out of each other's sight. I cried in the comfort of ah meow. He spoke to me n said he knew i was mature enough, i need to talk to her n make her realise wat she was doing.
I did, we spoke and things turned out well. I explained that in the working world, no matter how troubled u are, u should nv bring them to ur work place. Of cos, whenever she has troubles, i will still be there for her.

My family matters are forever unsolvable. I came to a point where by i really cannot be bothered by it. Of cos i will still be by my mom's side. But i will still nv forgive my dad. As for my brother, he has a gf ! Finally. BUT, pardon me for saying this, i dont really like her. The first time she came over, she stayed over without informing us. Not a good start. During dinner, my mom kept asking her to eat. She kept saying no like a small kid, and started to eat the mac my bro bought. Great.. Anyway, i dont think i will see her often. The first impression she gave us was quite bad.

n Regarding Lucas. Last sat we went momo together with our friends. I saw the way the tequila girl flirted her way thru to get him to buy her shots. Out of no where, all the past just came flashing back. I know i am sensitive, i am trying hard not to be. I still feel so unjust, bcos till today i dont know the whole truth. I only know he has been fooling around. Yes, we talked but nv abt wat exactly happened. He just promised there wont be a next time. I know, i can feel it, he's changed. I know now he's willing to give all his best to make me happy. But then again, my heart was dying to know wat exactly did he do. Although many said its better not to know the truth, but i always believed that only honest relationships stand through time.

We talked below his house afterwards, for so long, and yet he still refused to tell mi the truth, saying there is really nothing going on between him and this particular girl, S. Until i was really devastated, i scolded him real bad. I gave him a choice, either he tell mi the whole story now or i am really prepared to walk out on him immediately. I was really shocked about wat i heard. Though, she was the one who fell for him, he indirectly caused her to sink into it. I told him off, he was acting like a true bastard n tt girl is married. Ya, technically, he didnt do anything wrong bcos he was just comforting her as she was having problems in her marriage. But all the physical contacts were really not needed, i told him. S also had another guy she was quite attached to in the same group. And so, when Lucas came into the picture, tt guy was quite pissed off with him. A really complicating affair, I dont know the girl well, but i really dont like her. I dont like peopke with who treats marriage like a toy, i told him to choose his friends wisely.

Some how, the conversation turned around and he said he was hurt bcos i once said that there are other guys treating me better than him, which was true at tt time, bcos all the promises he made to me was unfulfilled. I told him i did not have the intention of comparing him to them. But i just want to wake his idea that i can just walk out on him with another guy, I did not. I just want him to cherish this relationship more.

I am so guilty, i made him cried. He just collapsed into my arms and cried real hard. It was the first time he cried so badly. But, we promised that there should not be any dishonesty between us n so it was a happy ending after all.

i m confused...!

i think i am regretting my decision now.. or sort of.. bcos i realli dont know why i feel this way.. one thing i know for sure.. I cant stand girls hovering around him like bees.. especially when he dont have self control, acting like the honey.. sometimes i really wonder why cant he just brush all of them away wif a simple no.. why does he have to make things so complicated.. misleading ppl n all.. all these mayb are just part and parcel when u go out dating... but a definitely no-no when u have a girlfren.. and whenever i bring these issues up against, he always just have nth to say.. keeping silent.. i wish he would defend for himself.. but sadly no, his silence meant i was speaking the truth..

so much of all the promises he gave... n yet i stil have a feeling he wont be able to fulfill them bcos he just cant be firm on such issues.. i dont think i can live with a guy like that.. today i poured everything out to carol.. abt vday.. abt everything.. she said there will always be a second time he cheats.. n since its already the second time, why am i stil putting up wif him? bcos i love him? or bcos i just used to him.. i dont know anymore.. everyone kept asking.. where did he bring u to... what did he get for u...
how the fuck am i supposed to say... nothing? n that would totally embarrass him.. but thats the truth isnt it.. i seriously dont mind.. but nth planned for e day? its the same scenario as my birthday.. he used to put in a real deal of effort in his ex-gf.. but on mi.. most of the celebration are zero.. i think i sound like a petty little girl.. but whu cares.. i think for once i ought to be treated more like a girl..

I hinted to him wat i felt abt our r/s.. just a simple msg.. do u think we can stil be frens if we go our separate ways.. i dont know.. of cos i hope things betw us will improve.. but if its not gonna.. then.. its the end..

erm.. i didnt update as promised.. lol.. i am trying my very best..

2 weeks ago on wed.. i went phuture wif my colleagues.. ltr on pu n marcus came over to look for us.. haha.. quite an interesting night.. had fun dancing my worries away.. except for some irritating guys..

sat down to boiler room again.. wif rh, wee, cindy, agnes, etc etc.. wasnt feeling very nice tt day.. i have alot of serious issues wif him.. uncovered lots of dirty secrets.. n its just killing mi that i dont have the chance to voice it all out.. pms-ing for the whole day.. went down to boiler in a depressed mood..

for god knows wat reason.. i just started to tear.. rh saw mi, so i signalled to him to get out of the place n i poured everything out to him.. i was crying non-stop.. i just cant help it.. i am really upset over wat lucas did.. i think it was really dramatic tt day.. cos he suddenly came out to look for mi.. n i spoke to him.. totally broke down just outside boiler room.. i was sobbing really loudly but at tt time i cant seems to control myself.. haiz.. i felt so cheated.. all the promises he made to mi were all empty words.. n i was really deciding that we should take a break.. i think i kind of shock him.. bcos he has nv seen mi breaking down before.. at least not bcos of him.. he said he realli didnt know that it affected mi so much..

mayb i was realli hoping that he wake up his idea.. tt night i went back to his place.. tot abt it the whole night.. n i stil realise that despite all, he stil has not spill the beans n tell mi the truth.. so i demanded an explaination from him before i come to any decision..

well, he called.. n said that he knew his mistake asking for another chance.. i dont know why.. at tt time i was really determined.. i told him i really need to think abt it.. i will give him an answer soon.. i went to colour my hair.. n back home to slp.. he kept msg-ing mi asking mi for another chance n tt he realli cant lost mi..

i ignored all his msgs.. after tt good rest, i felt peaceful.. but despite the peacefulness, there is just sth missing.. n i realised that it wasnt just being used to having him around, the thought that i might lose him one day really frightens mi.. i called him quickly n told him my decision.. but its gonna the last n final chance..

i really hope things will turn out better..

The past week was night shift for mi.. tiring week.. -_- bcos i dont get enough slp everyday!.. its either i have to wake up early for ot.. or i was doing his present till real late before i catch my morning slp.. sat supposed to head down to chinatown wif him.. end up we went to boiler wif the jr, agnes, spenc, karin n pj.. agnes n mi headed down to dbl o.. n i drink my jug of lychee martini! hehe.. boiler room that night was disappointing..

Sunday i had to wake up early for lunch wif my boss n colleagues.. at soul garden.. -_- of all places.. in the end we went in late bcos alot was late.. mi, bec, danny, terence n kc ate for an hour then we rushed off.. -_-''' i met up wif him.. for last min cny shopping.. we stil have not bought our clothes.. n we spent most of the time at levis outlet.. finally bought my jeans.. hee.. rushed back his place n we went down to chinatown..! bought decorations n flowers.. went back his place n we started decorating his hse lol..

this week.. morning n i stil got to work on sat.. wtf! asssss...

I came home real early today.. its the first time in so many mths..

I badly needed a rest.. so i asked bec to cover my ot..

Supposed to go out wif my colleagues.. but i push them away.. i just wanted to get home as fast as possible..

n he stopped replying again.. always when things are not settled.. he disappeared..

so this time.. i really cant be bothered.. i just wanna slp...

zzzzzzzzzzzzz

finally time to blog..

last whole was night shift.. monday n wednesday was super busy for us.. n ya.. i think my boss overworked mi.. i worked ot from monday till thursday.. until fri only then i had a break.. i was freakingly shagged.. my brain n limps just wont coordinate.. making mi more fed up! haiz..

sat i went sentosa wif pu.. right after my night shift.. chill, tan n relax.. i love it!
after tt we went vivo for some shoppings.. before i headed back to lucas' place.. slept for an hour plus.. n prepared for another round of havoc n fun.. all of us are going st james! whooot..

i was super excited.. lol.. mayb tt explains why i am stil so energetic even i hardly had any slp.. alittle chaotic at first.. due to the bash.. but after awhile, we settled at boiler's room.. i telling u guys... the live band there totally rocks ! its like seeing those rnb stars' concert.. n their voice are real nice..
the usual thing, drink dance n doing stupid stuffs.. tt day was a real big group.. mi, lucas, rh, wee, cindy, jr, spenc, ag, pq, ps, edward, pu, charlene, hc, soulmate, jinfang n fren, hanz, rh's fren n his gf.. plus char and ah gong came over a while too..

we party all the way till 3.. then we moved over to movida.. the music there was great.. n 2 f*cking ang moh tried to hit on mi... i realli realli hate them.. mayb i am racist or wat.. but i just dont like them.. party till abt 5.. n we all went home..

i slept all the way till 3 the next day.. supposed to go for a photo shoot.. but i overslept.. -_- and at night i went down O2 to look for lucas n his frens.. drink again.. -_- tsk.. kinda unhealthy.. this time all of us went home early..

Today is work again.. sian... feeling so tired n legarthic.. haiz.. worked ot again! till 830.. then i went jp for dinner wif carol, danny n bec.. nice filling dinner at crystal jade.. lol...

back at home.. i think i am gonna ko soon..
sometimes i feel.. being busy at work isnt a good thing.. i know i am getting more short tempered.. so much as i wanna control it.. i just cant any strength to do so.. n i start to hate being at home.. i dont like ppl to ask abt my whereabouts.. i get frustrated easily.. i think i am turning more n more into a monster..
i always do hope that he can find time just to sit down n talk to mi.. like wat he promise to do so.. but whenever i intitated it.. he just shrug it off wif a i m tired..

No matter how much he said he love mi.. how much his frens told mi.. i think i am starting to wan to back out.. bcos i find he is not someone whu shares my sorrow , rather he is just someone whu wans to share my fun.. n basically, i really dont know wat is he doing outside.. mayb i am curious by nature.. it doesnt seems to be tt way.. i wan a r/s where communication is the key.. i dont like hidden stuffs.. bcos it might be a habit for mi to start looking around too..

i think i definitely need a break.. from work, from him, from everything.. i have got no time for myself !

llllllloooooooooooonngggg time since i updated.. yea i know i know.. my blog is getting real boring..

ok.. its the new year.. i promise i will try to update it as much as possible..

lets see.. 2005 xmas was spent wif my dear.. a simple dinner plus a midnight movie.. before that.. was havoc at my god-daughter's place.. haha... shall not elaborate it.. too lazy..

new year i was wif my colleagues at ah meow's hse.. super chaotic.. lots of liquor n many high ppl.. i was nearly thrown out of the window.. came home wif lots of bruises.. =(

The new year means more work for us.. plus kk left us.. we are short of one manpower.. haiz.. but nvm.. more work means more money.. lol..

I crave for the sun... but unfortunately, the whole week of attempting to go sentosa wif pu failed.. so sad..

I realised that i really havent been spending much time wif my frens.. most of the time is work work n work.. I think this new year, i must really learn to organise my time well..

something to be proud of.. i finally finally cleared out alll the junks n clutters in my room..!~ spent the whole day.. throwing stuffs.. arranging stuffs... Time to search for some new furnitures.. my wardrobe is fully packed ! I must try to keep my room neat n tidy at all times..

got to go work soon... its night shift this week.. zzzzzzzzzzzzz

alright.. i know i seldom update.. n i think my blog is dying soon..

well.. too many things had happened.. i am worried sick for my brother.. he totally got himself into serious deep shit.. n i feel that he doesnt know the seriousness of the matter.. haiz.. so much as i wan to walk out n dont give a damn.. i stil cant.. went down to the police post today n got to call up the lawyers tml to try to peace things out.. damn..

this is the last time i am gonna clear shit for him..

Monday
went to acc dear for his checkup.. another week of mc for him..
before meeting him at the hosp.. i went to his hse n hide the present i got for him..
after sending him home.. i went to work.. afternoon shift for this week..
after work.. its 12mn exactly.. which is his bday.. i lied to him saying that i had to work ot so i cant come over le..
hee.. went over his place.. n i prepared a surprise for him.. =)
i am so happy to see the smile on his face.. n melted when he said he was very very touch..

Tuesday
my dear's bday..
spent it with our frens.. cos i celebrated wif him on sunday le..
went marina for steamboat.. after which we all headed down to O2 for a drink..
right.. n he vomited.. haha.. his purmei frens came down too.. shared cab home wif them..

Wednesday
went to work as usual..
after work i went down to zouk.. always fun there.. cos i can dance.. though the usual gang is not there.. but well.. i just love dancing..
however, towards the end i was quite pissed off.. not gonna mention wat incident.. nvm abt tt..
went back to dear's place..

Thursday
a normal day.. went home after work..
too much partying n late nights.. gonna rest a day..

Friday
went to work early.. i was having a super bad mood that day..
i just hated it when the other team ppl demands that we should let them use the equipment when i was there first.. so wat if u have samples.. we too have samples.. if not why would i be using the equipment.. selfish butch of ppl..
Due to work.. i was realli totally in a bad mood.. plus i was stuck not knowing where to go after work.. rh they all were at wala wala.. soulmate ask mi to go clubbing.. n my dear is celebrating his bday wif his purmei frens..
In the end, i went down to find dear.. knowing that the chances of my mood getting better after seeing him is quite high.. haha.. initially i was veri hesitant to go down.. partly bcos i was afraid that my mood will affect him n also bcos i was afraid of being left out..
but well, turned out i made the right decision.. i really had fun tt night..
went down to O2 to find them.. wah liew.. they already open like 4 to 5 bottles of martell.. faintz.. played dice with amos.. haha.. dont know how to spell his name.. he is super pro lo.. i kanna cheated by him.. hehe.. but lucky dear's gfs all protect mi..! haha..
after which, all of us headed down to St James, Dragonfly.. that place is huge lo.. n we all got in free of charge.. yeay.. they opened 2 bottles of martell there.. dotz.. n ordered waterfall for dear.. lucky i drank most of it for him.. if not i will be dragging him home liao.. haha..
the music there is not bad.. hee.. good experience..
overall.. it was a fun night.. =)

Saturday
pig out at his place.. went out for sushi wif him and caught Step Up..
omg.. the show is so nice.. actualli its a dancing movie.. so ppl whu have a passion for dancing should go see it.. hee.. met up wif the usual gang for ktv.. super duper long time since i have been there.. lol.. all of us didnt know wat songs to sing anymore! omg..
after ktv we chill out at coffee club express.. n i had my mud pie! yummi! =)

Sunday
after settling my bro's matter..
i rested at home awhile.. need to gather all my tots.. i admit i was feeling down.. not bcos of my bro.. i am sick of him already.. but bcos of my mom.. i really feel sad.. i really want her to be happy..
dear called n i went over to find him.. he is having serious hangover due to ytd's celebration..
acc him till ten plus.. then i went back home.. talked to rh.. haha..

i m strong.. i can do this.. yes i can !

ok.. some updates..

i cant rem wat i did the last week.. last weekend was spent at aranda country club for hc n cs bday chalet.. went down on fri after work.. next day was just slacking myself away at the chalet.. well cos dear cant do anything due to his hand injury.. played mj.. n i nearly nearly got the dont wat 13 cards thingy.. wah liew.. i already waiting to game le.. short of 1 tile nia.. lol.. exciting lehz.. haha.. after which is buffet.. hc's parents n relatives came over.. haha.. surprisingly his mom stil rems mi.. lol.. pop down to cs' chalet n saw nigel, jona, sihao, thomas n mingyu.. played heart attack.. haha.. then it was cut cake session.. so sorry that i couldnt go down to cs' one.. something crop up.. just dont wish to mention here..

monday went to work all the way till 11 plus.. siannn... then went over his place cos he got operation on tuesday.. end up i cant wake up.. i guess i was just tired.. his mom acc him there.. the operation finish at late afternoon so he cant discharge..
today i went over in the morning n had lunch wif him n his mom.. wait for the nurse to do the procedures n we went home... supposed to go down zouk to look for rh.. but sorry boy.. i was really tired plus tml have to work.. hiakz..

i browse thru some of my fren's blog n saw this interesting quiz.. to be frank.. its really true u know.. i am surprised.. it realli speaks of wat i am facing now..

You have a vivid imagination and this is good. Great inventors, explorers all had inventive, imaginative minds. Your friends and acquaintances may consider you over-imaginative and given to fantasy or day-dreaming. So what ? this is a part of your character and charm.

You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.

Nothing seems to be going right for you and you are thwarted every way you turn. You are not at all happy with the situation but it would appear that there is very little that you can do about it at this time. Sit back and let the situation take its course, because at this time you feel that there is nothing you can do to change whatever needs to be changed.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You feel that you need to move on. You feel that you are not appreciated or valued for what you are and that the time is 'now'. Failure to do so will not afford you the conditions to prove your worth.

these few days my mind is preoccupied with alot of stuffs..
Dinner n dance this fri.. n i havent bought my shoes..
Gb 21st bday chalet this weekend..
Dear's bday this weekend n i havent prepared anything for him.. i totally have no time.. haiz..
everything is happening around the same time.. no money as well.. bcos i wanna give more to my mom..
Plus another more serious stuffs.. my father has been exchanging email with mi.. i am pissed by the words he used.. to all guys out there.. if u think u cant commit to anything, then dont fucking get into a marriage n ruin everyone's life.. everyday i have been thinking abt this.. i sent an email back to him screwing him upside down.. n ya.. he threatened with a divorce..
so wat.. i had to swallow my pride, reason things out with him n help my mom.. i really cant take it anymore..
and yet after all these, i really dont know how to tell my mom abt wat he said to mi.. bcos i know she will be sad.. she will ask mi to swallow everything down n "sweet talk" to him... damn bastard..

i am trying not to let it affect my work.. but it just seems to pop out.. and i stil havent send wat the msg tt i promise rh i would.. i stil have yet to reply to cs.. argh..

I Need a Break!! anyone.. anybody.. take mi away from all these..

The past whole week was night shift with Kk.. a super tiring week for the both of us...

Monday.. morning i went sentosa with pu, vincent n biao yong.. played some beach volley n surprisingly, they even brought along cards.. so we sat in the middle of the beach playing big2.. haha.. after wards all of us just slacked n relac at one of the bars... half way thru.. i felt veri veri giddy.. so i tot i would go get sth sweet to drink.. by the time i reach the bar.. i totally blacked out.. n tt split moment.. i was really veri frightened.. bcos its the first time i experienced anything like that.. everywhere around mi was in total pitch black.. but stil.. i gathered all my strength n walked over to a chair n i really collapsed there... the bar owner was so kind to call out for pu... i rest, washed up, n quickly went over to lucas place to take a rest..
half way thru.. my boss msg mi asking mi to go in early to work.. so i tot i take a rest and go in to help.. but lucas dont allow.. he wants mi to rest more.. lol..
so the whole night mi n kk were super busy.. no time to rest at all... -_-

Tuesday.. I went over his place to slp after work.. all the way till night... n its busy night for mi n kk again.. arrrghhh...

Wednesday.. busy night again?! its like so sian can... supposed to meet up wif pu for swimming.. in the end i am locked at home... long n stupid story ok.. n pu came all the way to acc mi.. haha.. he sitting outside my hse n mi inside my hse chit chatting... lol..

Thursday.. i realli cant rem wat happened.. but its busy night again lo... haiz..

Friday.. the eve of a PH.. meaning more work for all of us... mi n kk went in early and we managed to release all the results early.. yeay! so its free for us the whole night.. haha..

Sat.. after work i just went to his place n zzzz the whole day... woke up to meet up wif spencer, cindy, wee, hc n charlene to geylang for dinner.. frog leg porridge! yummilicious! hehe.. half way thru.. he called saying he fell down at soccer n fractured his finger.. =( took a cab down to hosp n pick him n his parents up before sending him home..
After sending him back, he actually told mi to go back to look for spencer they all when its already 10 plus at night ! dotz... i was quite irritated.. so i went back home...

Fri was work as usual.. despite the fact i was feeling super down.. and plus i couldnt contact him.. no doubt he was having ops.. i have to admit that i was feeling good when i know nth abt it.. but anyway, its all okay bcos he has his reasons..
Instead i called wee n talked to him abt some stuffs.. went home and i decided to take the initiative move.. i msg him if he had finished his ops.. n so he said he was stil at a pub at tanjong pagar.. alright.. i went off to slp after all.. in the midst of it.. i was woken up by his miss-call.. and i did not call back cos i was too slpy.. received a msg from him.. n i slpt with a smile on my face..

Sat i was supposed to meet gb n ah gong at cck at 1130 but.. at 1230 i was stil slping at home.. washed up asap.. n met them for lunch.. they bought mi to the yuki sushi or sth for sushi buffet.. yummi.. i love sushi! hee.. those two kind fellows then paid for my lunch.. and we went shopping around looking for my fren's present.. sadly.. i couldnt find anything nice.. n out of no where.. they pop out a big bag of presents for mi... when i really gong gong tot that they went toilet.. lol.. i really love it.. haha.. and i was stranded there not knowing if i should go off or not.. bcos he stil havent reach home... and originally i was supposed to meet up wif rh.. but i decided to go home anyway..
on the bus ride home.. i felt so suffocating.. i felt that i had to get everything out from bottling all up.. so i called him.. he could sense that there was sth wrong wif mi.. so i told him i realli wanna tok things out wif him.. n the first thing he asked mi, "u dont want mi already ar?" lol..
i went to his place.. tok things wif him.. ok.. we both have our own point of view.. but i guess overall, its meant to benefit each other.. and then i told him i was really uncomfortable that clyn keeps contacting him... i asked him to understand bcos i am not someone whu is unreasonable.. i just feel that she has an ulterior motive..
i told him i felt insecure.. mayb not much trust.. i felt he would just run away at any point of time.. n he shooted back at mi.. he's the one that feels this way.. that any time i would just let go of this r/s.. right...
we talked abt his money issues, clubbing n drinking issues.. all in all, i would say i am an easily satisfied girl.. i felt much more at ease after talking..
spent the night at his place..

Sunday, he went to work super early.. a very last min thing.. so i woke up by myself, watched some bleach then went to vivo with spencer, rh n agnes.. ok.. before that there was some commotion happening betw us.. haha.. the shopping is super big ok.. i went searching for my evening wear.. nth found.. i went searching for my frens' presents.. nth found also.. argh.. we headed back to habourfront for tea break.. lol.. then dear came to join us.. went back to vivo then we all headed down to pasir panjang food centre for seafood.. yummilicious! hehe.. tok tok there.. n its time to go home... ko immediately.. lol...

anyway, think i will reply to all the msgs on my tag box here...
QiuYan: Thanks alot girl.. =) never expected u to tag here.. hee.. yea i know wat u mean.. but mayb cos the feeling's stil there.. i would like to try harder to make it work.. =) *hugz*

Zhen: girl.. thanks.. i received ur msg the other day.. i must say it really brightens my day.. hee.. dont worry i will be ok.. =) *hugz*

Qi: hee.. thanks girl.. ya.. sometimes i just dont feel like saying.. when its time i will tell ya all.. dont worry.. =) *hugz*

Uncle: erm.. i dont know who are u.. lol.. but i will rem ur words.. thanks alot dude.. =) i will definitely stay strong.. *cheers*

Charlene: heee.. thanks.. this week this week okie? msg mi okie.. hehe.. n sentosa this week.. dont forget ! hahaha.. =) love...